I have tried to fit into the countless boxes of others' experiences. I have divided myself into countless pieces that would fit into those countless boxes. All of me will not fit into someone else's box. So I cut off the small part that will… …over and over again, with each small box of someone … Continue reading The Whole Self
self-love
Love in the mess
It doesn't appear I've made much "progress" if you look at my life right now. In many ways I'm more non-functioning than ever. Been sick on and off for months. I have crazy anxiety that leaves me terrified to be left alone. What you don't see is my inner landscape. Despite the anxiety, I'm more … Continue reading Love in the mess
Dwelling Deeper Within
Discontent. Restless. Call it depression, if you will. Nothing satisfies. Everything has lost its appeal. "It seems that I've completely fallen out of love. Nothing impresses me anymore." -4/9/09 The well-meaning Christians always told me that this feeling was an indication that I needed to "press in" more with the Lord. The world and all … Continue reading Dwelling Deeper Within
Past Present Future Me
The first time I sincerely contemplated the non-existance of God was this past February. I'd been reading through old journals, trying to capture significant moments to give an overview of my life and the struggles I've faced... trying to understand why I am the way I am. I had just finished reading my 8th grade … Continue reading Past Present Future Me
we only exist right now
"There is only Right Now No past with its failures No future with its accomplishments There is only Right Now with the me that Is" -there is only Right Now 7/7/17 For years, I've been trying really hard to get my shit together. To organize my life. To figure out how to operate and get things … Continue reading we only exist right now
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