To sit with our own grief, without filters or desperate squinting towards an elusive silver lining, is Love. Its not the warm fuzzy kind. Its the kind that breaks your heart.
Maybe It’s All Ok
I know this: Love is still there in the middle of our every bad decision and wrong turn, looking upon us with no judgement, holding us despite our own disbelief.
Burning the Past
"I should burn all my old journals." I only wish I could backtrack and remember what thoughts led to this one. The thought swelled so large and overtook my brain that all other thoughts were totally swallowed up and forgotten. Perhaps it was one of those rare moments of divine interruption, when the guidance you … Continue reading Burning the Past
The Whole Self
I have tried to fit into the countless boxes of others' experiences. I have divided myself into countless pieces that would fit into those countless boxes. All of me will not fit into someone else's box. So I cut off the small part that will… …over and over again, with each small box of someone … Continue reading The Whole Self
Love in the mess
It doesn't appear I've made much "progress" if you look at my life right now. In many ways I'm more non-functioning than ever. Been sick on and off for months. I have crazy anxiety that leaves me terrified to be left alone. What you don't see is my inner landscape. Despite the anxiety, I'm more … Continue reading Love in the mess
anatomy of a panic attack
Yesterday I experienced my first real anxiety/panic attack in about 4 months. It blew in like a crazy storm and then faded out just as quickly, and then the anxiety mildly rained on and off the rest of the day like a summer afternoon. I felt a need to write out exactly what was going … Continue reading anatomy of a panic attack