I have tried to fit into the countless boxes of others' experiences. I have divided myself into countless pieces that would fit into those countless boxes. All of me will not fit into someone else's box. So I cut off the small part that will… …over and over again, with each small box of someone … Continue reading The Whole Self
love
Love in the mess
It doesn't appear I've made much "progress" if you look at my life right now. In many ways I'm more non-functioning than ever. Been sick on and off for months. I have crazy anxiety that leaves me terrified to be left alone. What you don't see is my inner landscape. Despite the anxiety, I'm more … Continue reading Love in the mess
2: When Grace Met Jesus
I was 15 years old, just finished my freshman year of high school, and I was quickly outgrowing my desires for worldy materialism. During Spring Break a couple months earlier, I somehow started connecting with God in a new way. My desire to truly know him became stronger. My mom and a couple other ladies … Continue reading 2: When Grace Met Jesus
go back to the mist
Go back to the mist from whence you came. Go back to that ancient realm where everything is energy and you are simply an unimagined dream; the non-existence before conception; merely potential, and nothing more. Go back to being what cannot touch me, what cannot thrill me, what cannot leave me, what cannot hurt me. … Continue reading go back to the mist
light of day
This light feels so fragile in the midst of the winds of change These winds may blow it out or fan it into larger flames You can make yourself a target by standing up for truth and you may be quickly taken down and your bravery may seem of no use But maybe, just maybe, … Continue reading light of day
fear is the great enemy
Fear is the great enemy, yet we regard it as our friend. We defend fear at every turn while turning our backs on our neighbors. If perfect love casts out fear, then fear cannot be associated with a loving God. Either God is loving and merciful, or He is not. I will not let the … Continue reading fear is the great enemy
May 13th
I woke up at 2am this morning and realized I forgot to write a poem yesterday! It was a busy day, full of so many special connections and reminders that I really needed. This is the poem I should have written yesterday if I'd had time: *** In this moment, I can admit I do … Continue reading May 13th
I am not
I am not your sun: I do not make your flowers grow. I do not give you warmth and glow. I am not your moon: I do not light up your night and I do not control your tides. I am not your fire, nor am I your rain. Neither earth nor wind am I, … Continue reading I am not
strong heart
11.22.2017 Being strong has nothing to do with armour and swords, it has nothing to do with fighting. Rather, being strong means navigating life with your shell completely cracked open, with your heart totally exposed to the world. The great reversal of life is that we perceive ourselves to be weak and vulnerable, and therefore, … Continue reading strong heart
everlasting thorn
Sometimes it feels as though analyzing your emotional experiences strips them of their beauty, both the raw pain and brilliant glory. The longer I throw psychology at my ravished broken heart, the more hollow and depressing these experiences feel. Who's to say what is delusion and what is actually real? I have backed myself into … Continue reading everlasting thorn
