Six years ago today my first child died at only 18 months old. She was diagnosed with cancer and a month later she was gone. Her sickness, death, and the events which transpired immediately afterwards were incredibly traumatic for my husband and I. Our families were devastated. Our hearts were broken. And we were all … Continue reading Day 8: Wrestling with God After the Death of My Child
grief
Life is Risk
This summer I've been doing a lot of gardening. I've bought lots of flowers and planted lots of seeds, and not all of these flowers and seeds have made it. Some seeds spring up easily, while others refuse to sprout. Children and animals have knocked over some of my planters, losing soil and seed. Our … Continue reading Life is Risk
deepest attachments
My two year old lost all his binkies today. I tried comforting him to sleep but it was just no use. He cried and cried and cried, and I felt it so deeply. This isn't about a piece of plastic and rubber. This is about my child's first real encounter with grief. His binky is … Continue reading deepest attachments
the pains of the past
Do the pains of the past ever stop hurting? Does one ever "get over" anything? Is there a way to process something to where it never again rises up and seeks to destroy you? I go through this process every cycle and now it's just starting to feel like torture. Because it's the same old … Continue reading the pains of the past
Death, the Comforter
Last spring I had an interesting encounter with Death. Ok, not actual death, but a personification of death. I'll skip the fun details as to how it began. What eventually happened is that I had a writing conversation with some aspect of myself that identified as Death personified. We had a good chat about some … Continue reading Death, the Comforter
Indigo River
I've had another blog draft in the works about this topic, but I feel inspired to write in the rawness of my feelings right now. On this 7th day of my writing challenge, I'm going to tell you about my miscarriage. Only days after I found out I was pregnant this past autumn, I had … Continue reading Indigo River
The Therapeutic Value of Art and Music
This morning I learned that Eric Church, a musician I respect and admire, was a headlining act of the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas, where over 50 people were killed and over 500 were injured during a mass shooting early this week. Eric Church wrote a song afterwards with haunting lyrics asking, "Why … Continue reading The Therapeutic Value of Art and Music
