I wish there was somehow a way to process through the pains rather than burying them to resurrect another day. It feels there is no such thing is healing, merely these numbing techniques of coping.
Tonight, after I put my kids to bed, I found myself hanging streamers and blowing up balloons when I'd prefer to be asleep (or maybe watching Parks & Recreation). Ah, yes, I have finally succumbed to the stage of parenthood where I do stuff for my kid's birthday. Truth is, it's really fun. I'm super … Continue reading my girl
There was once a time I had long flowy princess hair that was the envy of hair enthusiasts everywhere. It was full and glossy and sooo long. I loved to put my luscious locks into a french braid and wear flower dresses. And then I had yet another baby and decided to cut off my … Continue reading Number One Tip For Growing Out a Pixie Cut
Today was a day of connections. I sat down and finally wrote to my grandmother, which I've been planning to do for months. I wrote to a penpal whom I left hanging 2 whole years ago. I got in touch with people I love and people I think I would love if I actually got … Continue reading Connect
I don't think hate is the opposite of love, I think apathy is. Hate implies that you care. If it pushes your buttons then it means something. But apathy is the worst. It's a lack of all feeling. It's a complete lack of connection. Hate, although negative, is still a connection.
This morning I learned that Eric Church, a musician I respect and admire, was a headlining act of the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas, where over 50 people were killed and over 500 were injured during a mass shooting early this week. Eric Church wrote a song afterwards with haunting lyrics asking, "Why … Continue reading The Therapeutic Value of Art and Music
I've been quiet on here. The quiet will probably shatter pretty soon. I have a lot to say, and I think I'm just about ready to start saying some of it. I am my own special kind of crazy. And for the first time in a long time, I'm totally cool with it. Crazy is … Continue reading Coming soon…
First, watch this. 0:24-0:31 is the most important part.
You’re welcome. Now let me tell you a story.
Many years ago, on a family vacation in Canada, I sat on the oceanside steps of a bed and breakfast and cried until I couldn’t breathe. I was sixteen and living on melons and lettuce. Ninety pounds. Ribs like a birdcage. Hair ripping out in clumps every time I brushed it. My raw vegan honeymoon had exploded, and I was left writhing atop its shrapnel—stuck in that awful space of knowing something was very, very wrong but not knowing how to fix it.
The B&B host sat chain-smoking a few yards away, pretending not to see. I loved him so much for not asking if I was okay. Inside our room, my wonderful, rightfully distraught parents were discussing my “situation,” thinking I couldn’t hear. Their murmurs bled through the wall and mixed with the…
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Nihilism is a tricky mode of existence. How does one continue existing, in an existence one finds thoroughly meaningless, when one’s very being demands love and relationship with others to survive?
Dostoevsky has a scene in the Brother’s Karamazov where a man, an elder of an Orthodox monastery, explains how the more he “loves humanity in general, the less [he] love man in particular.” This is a typical mode of being for many today whom favor the crowd to the individual. Think of those social justice warriors, those businessmen, those entertainers, artists, and others who set their life agendas on specific outcomes where the crowd takes precedence over the individual. Yet the crowd is an illusion, the public a phantom (Kierkegaard). Can one exist in a love relationship with an illusion? Is there any relationship – any personal love given with reciprocal personal love received – possible with a crowd?…
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It's been over a year since I've been blogging and it feels a little awkward jumping back in. Especially with a brand new blog. My former blog ran for 7 years and I picked up a decent amount of readers in that time. Starting over from scratch makes me feel like a baby. *cue baby … Continue reading hello again?