Heartbreaking Beauty

I’ve been dealing with some heavy stuff lately, confronting Death and Life and my place in the middle of it all. I was feeling anxious last night and this poem came out of me.

The Graceful Muse

Beauty can be heartbreaking
A drowning and an awakening
Pleasure and pain
are basically the same
Nothing is quite like
feeling them at the same time

Moments like these
leave me gasping for air
But I never stopped breathing
I can’t tell if I’m still in my body
or if I just starting leaving
I don’t know
what on earth is a boundary
Everything bleeds
and blends into
a fluid One
I am all of it
Together and completely undone

What is there to fear?
Why the anxiety?
It’s dancing with ecstacy…
Strange partners,
maybe.
But it’s
Death and Life
Life from Death
Again,
it’s all the same.
Core essence,
different names.

It used to scare me
I still feel those slivers tickle my soul
Sometimes it excites me
and makes my engine start to roar

Everything is nothing
and nothing is everything
Welcome to the paradox of existence
You…

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Home (30)

A poem for my 30th birthday. Hopefully soon I will write a full blog post exploring the theme of this poem.

The Graceful Muse

April 12th, 2019

I often wondered if Home was a real place.
I spent 30 years trying to find it.
No matter where I was,
I never felt like I belonged,

so out of place

so uncomfortable

so restless and so, so lost.

I just wanted to find a place
to sink my roots into
and grow like crazy.

I begged the land to take me
I begged the people to accept me
I begged God to be my everything
and I begged heaven to somehow save me

But Home was with me all along,
I just never knew it.
I was walking around in it
(even if I was a foot off the ground).

How did I not see
the most visible parts of me?
How could I not feel
the most tangible parts of me?

This right here,
this flesh and blood and bones
this skin and hair…

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YES

February 28th: I awoke in the night and knew the answer was, is, and always will be, YES. The question is irrelevant. The questions are almost always irrelevant. The questions are just meant to push me to the ultimate answer of YES. Here is life's grand secret: Yes. It's always the answer. Yes. One Yes … Continue reading YES

When God is only portrayed as masculine…

For too long, Christianity as a whole has ignored, belittled, and even outright suppressed the feminine. I've witnessed first-hand the dysfunction that such imbalance creates within individuals and families. When we portray God using only masculine terms, it's natural for women to think that godliness is more of a masculine virtue. Instead of embracing our … Continue reading When God is only portrayed as masculine…