There are many reasons to be happy and many reasons to be unhappy. I’m still hormonal crazy lady half the time, easily triggered and still sensitive as fuck. But when I’m good these days… I’m REALLY good. The shifting was intense, and the rewards are immense.
I promised to myself that if I ever got “better” (whatever the hell that means), I wouldn’t be annoying online and try to convince everyone I have the great secrets to life, yada yada. The fact is, life still sucks half the time. Shit still happens. No matter how healed you are, you’re always going to run into ugly awful versions of yourself. They’ll show up when you’re being inauthentic. The whole point of accessing your divine nature is to offer it to YOUR humanity (not just everyone else *looking at you, Wounded Healers*). When you’re being a gradeA bitch/asshole, that’s your humanity calling out for some serious divine love. That’s when you put all your so-called enlightenment into action. You can’t wait for someone else to see the scared inner child hiding behind your shittyness and love you out of your mess- you gotta do that yourself.
At least, that’s my story. I’m done wishing someone would see the love-starved soul behind the monster I become. I already see her. It’s my job to love her back to life. And man, I do love her.
There is nobody who can save me from myself. I am the trapped princess but I am also the fire breathing dragon but damn straight I am also the knight and I rescue myself.
It’s fucking hard but good god, it’s AUTHENTIC. I stand in my own mess and in my own power and this is who I am: the most perfect and fucked up individual you will love and hate at the same time, because I reflect everything in your own self you have been avoiding- your total depravity AND your divine glory.
Shit, I’m fucking awesome.
-written August 17th, 2020-