Your Dark Goddess – A Song

A song came to me last month on the new moon while I was ovulating. I had recently read Dancing in the Flames: The Dark Goddess in the Transformation of Consciousness by Marion Woodman and Elinor Dickson, which prepared me for the major life upheavals which swifty followed. It shed light into dark places of my own psyche, bringing this deep material into my awareness, and I knew this would result in at least one song and have a profound affect upon my songwriting and other artistic expressions. I was gifted a new language and deeper understanding of archetypal themes and images.

The night before I wrote this song, I dreamed of the Dark Goddess. I had previously dreamed of the Black Madonna twice before- the first time, last year, she appeared as a crying doll shortly after the birth of my 4th child. The second time, a couple months ago, she appeared as an older black female therapist, accompanied by a cat.

But in this recent dream, the Dark Goddess appeared not as a child or crone, but as a beautiful and seductive middle-aged woman with dark complexion and thick black hair. She was laying naked on the ground, and her skin was rich in both texture and scent, and everything about her felt “earthy”. It was a meeting I could not put off. I reluctantly went through the uncomfortable initiation process, which ended with her biting my right hand wrist, as though she were a snake.

The next day I was tormented by my raging ovulatory hormones, which has been normal for me since 2017. I lose track of who I am, lost inside projections, becoming swallowed in the archetypal energies that I’ve yet to be strong enough to contain and integrate.

In the same manner as an ovulation two cycles prior, I was laying in bed stewing in these overpowering energies, when I suddenly heard a new song playing within me. I let it flow, having no idea where it would lead…

Midlife crisis,
Whatever you call it
I will be
Your dark goddess

I knew I was on to something. Suddenly alert, I sat up and let loose my ideas. All my frustrated feelings regarding a particular situation came pouring forth through song.

In places, the lyrics took turns I did not quite expect, not entirely matching what I thought I was writing about. I was still unconsciously projecting my own shadow struggles outward while the song itself was directing me inward. At first I just assumed I was taking creative liberties, but after I finished writing the song, I realized I was literally writing about the Dark Goddess herself who had just appeared in my dream, about the way she comes into our lives after ignoring and suppressing her for years. She often breaks through during midlife, as chaos erupts and we face crisis of identity.

In the days following writing this song, I realized my body was in fact channeling the energies of the Dark Goddess. The messages in this song were coming from my body herself. Years of ignoring, of pushing away the uncomfortable, of trying to control my body (under the false guise of spirit/mind over matter)… my body won’t have it anymore. I am waking up to her and she is feeding me my own bitter truth.

I felt the repetition of, and emphasis on, “I am” to be vitally important, for a couple different reasons. For one, it invokes the powerful image of the Hebrew God in the book of Exodus speaking to Moses. This ultimate deity referred to himself as “I AM”, which, when it comes down to it, IS the absolute truth of the universe. I AM is the present moment, where past and future meet. I AM encompasses the whole of everything, including all that we pretend doesn’t exist. This I AM energy also manifests itself through the Dark Goddess who forces us to reckon with all that IS: both light and shadow, good and evil. It is She who reveals the goodness hidden in the shadow, who’s womb space allows for the holding of the paradox of opposites.

The second meaning for the emphasis on “I am” is the very basic practice of me coming back into my own body. I am currently doing a simple but difficult practice of standing and repeating out loud, “I am Grace,” as a way to identity myself and ground myself in my body. After spending years questioning my very existence, and the existence of everything, and taking on the personalities and experiences of those around me, I’m finally having to face myself and BE me. I’ve been so lost high in Father Sky for most of my life and now I’m touching down on Mother Earth. My life has been grossly imbalanced, and so the Dark Goddess has been calling me down, down, down, into matter, filling my dreams with snakes, bellies to the ground. I have been dissociated from my body most of my life. Standing on my own two feet while saying out loud “I AM” is a way for me to reconnect with the body matter that gives expression to my spirit.

I know not how this song will land with others. Truthfully, I don’t know if it even sounds good. But I feel a deep need to share it. This song is incredibly personal to me, and yet universal in it’s theme. The current global situation we are in echoes the chaos of the Dark Goddess. The old systems are breaking down. We cannot continue as we have in times past. Dramatic change is upon us because the way civilization has progressed is wholly unsustainable. We cannot continue to fight nature, realm of the Mother Goddess, without destroying ourselves. The Darker aspects of the Goddess are now coming out in full force in response to our unconscious behavior. Will we take this opportunity to integrate these dark energies and allow them to transform that which no longer serves us? Or will we instead continue to resist and meet swift destruction?

Her medicine may be bitter, but the Dark Goddess longs to heal us.

Your Dark Goddess

I’m irresistible
And you can’t resist pushing me away

I’m right here with you
Though you try to keep me at arms length

I am the black cauldron
Of all your secret fears
I’m the past
Coming back
To whisper in your ears

I’m not just a vessel
for you to simply use
You will respect me
As I feed you your own bitter truth

Midlife crisis
Whatever you call it
I am, I am, I am
Your Dark Goddess

You can cut me down
But I just grow back like a weed

The more you try to fight me
The stronger my influence will be

I am the black cauldron
Of all your secret fears
I’m the past
Coming back
To whisper in your ears

I’m not just a vessel
for you to simply use
You will respect me
As I feed you your own bitter truth

Midlife crisis
Whatever you call it
I am, I am, I am
Your Dark Goddess

Everything you refuse to face
You see reflected in me
I’ve always been your mirror
Now look into me
And see
Yourself clearer

Midlife crisis
Whatever the hell you want to call it

I am, I am, I am,
I am, I am, I am,
I am, I am, I am

Your Dark Goddess

*2020 Grace Lucille*

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