I do not need resolution for mental conflict

There is conflict, I feel it raging within.

It is an empathy for others, and for myself. It is all out war and it can be exhausting.

And then, a grand revelation: 

I don’t have to pick sides. Chaos will tell me that if I just pick an opinion, pick a side, make up my mind, THEN I will experience peace and security. But right now I don’t believe that for a minute. To believe that makes me a slave of the mind, a slave of an ego desperately searching for control of all situations even though it has ZERO actual control over anything.

I witness this inner conflict, and I embrace it. I accept it without trying to change it. I can let the conflict exist because I know that I do not actually dwell within the conflict itself. That is why I do not need resolution. My sense of peace does not depend upon resolution of what I will never be able to know for certain as absolute truth.

I. Don’t. Know.

And that’s ok.

I can allow myself to feel conflicted, I can allow and accept all the negative uncomfortable feelings that go along with conscious unknowing and be ok with it.

When I can accept the uncomfortable instead of fighting against it, then I can experience the deep peace which truly surpasses all understanding. The more I fight against the conflict, the less peace I feel, the more conflicted and anxious and desperate I feel.

I do not control the conflict! I don’t even control my mind! I don’t control my thoughts! I only control my reactions to them. I am not my feelings. I am not my thoughts. I am what witnesses and experiences the feelings and the thoughts. And that knowing is peace itself. I am not the chaos in search of peace. I AM PEACE in the midst of chaos.

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