grace in the night

Skip to content

Home
about

Search

Search for:

at what point

April 15, 2018 / Grace Lucille

How do you know
when you’ve reached your limit?
How long can you keep stretching
before you simply break?

At what point is penance neccessary?
And at what point, grace?

Share this:

Twitter
Facebook
Email
Print
Tumblr

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

poetry

Post navigation

← Trees in Winter

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (required) (Address never made public)

Name (required)

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Google account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Notify me of new comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.

Search for:

Follow grace in the night on WordPress.com

Receive my posts via email

Enter your email address to follow my blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Categories

from one full moon to another
health
love
mothering
music
my Spark Joy journey
my spiritual journey
personality
poetry
ramblings
the deep stuff
The Graceful Birch – artwork
Uncategorized

Follow me on Twitter

Follow me on Instagram

This one is for all of us just limping our way through life. It's not actually finished yet, 'cause you know, I'm limping... To see more of my #macrametherapy, check out my other account @thegracefulbirch

Ever come across artwork that just totally resonates with your soul? Like you feel like screaming and crying and laughing because it just hits you at your core?! I fell in love with the work of @serpent_flower last year and this sunflower lion is blowing me away right now! You can see more of her beautiful artwork @lilymosesart Also... #111 again, bahahahaha

Today's soundtrack for my bummy mood. Fun fact: Switchfoot was my favorite band as a teenager. Funner fact: Their album "Nothing is Sound" is one of a handful of albums that truly influenced my life and my development as a songwriter. I'll always have a soft spot for Jon Foreman's work.

When my body has zero energy and I can't be physically productive, I then start going to all the mental work that needs to be done or stuff I can just do with my hands sitting down. I figure I gotta maintain some level of productivity here. I'm questioning now whether this is helpful in the long run. The body is not just a body. I believe the body is the sum of so many of our experiences. If my body needs a break, it's likely that means my entire self needs a break. Defaulting to mental work when my body breaks down is probably not going to allow my body to heal because instead of recovering my energy, I'm simply diverting my attention elsewhere, which further drains my energy. It's a theory. I'm just discovering how bad I am at recognizing what truly brings me pleasure. I've been wanting to work on macrame for a couple weeks, but somehow I've been doing everything else instead... listing pieces on Etsy, making earrings, finishing blog posts, ordering supplies, doing general business stuff that really needs to be done... but no actual macrame. I haven't actually been doing much of the things that bring me joy lately. Hopefully today I'll get to making some knots.

So appropriate for me after last night's post. And those repeating 1s just never stop showing up. Beautiful words by @iamsadiahamidu (swipe to read) and beautiful artwork by @filippaedghill

This picture has nothing to do with what I'm going to write. But while we're staring at my off-guard face here... shit it's freaking me out. My face got older without me noticing. I'm only just now getting used to how my body actually feels and now the visual is changing right before my eyes. Oh blah I must be primed for another mini identity crisis. Identity crisis is definitely my thing. That's what I want to get at. We all have these stories we cling to... stories surrounding our identity or purpose in the world or what we think we need in order to be happy. I can fly right past old stories and then suddenly brake hard and pedal right back because just what is it about these stories that keep drawing my attention? You think you're rewriting the script but yesterday's words keep making their way on to the page. Blah blah, some sad little aspect of my heart needing healing, the same sore spot, blah blah. You know how boring and predictable this psychobabble shit gets. I just want to know why, when I get down to the very nitty gritty of it, I am terrified to let go of old stories. Wouldn't I be free if I didn't tie myself to them? Freedom. Isn't that what I want? But the ego or something like that needs to hold on because it's desperate to be defined. It needs a story, it wants nothing more than to make endless love to a story and never fucking let go. I'm like a fucking love song that simultaneously tugs at your heart but the sappiness makes you want to vomit (I'm listening to TSwift on repeat, yikes). I thought Pride & Prejudice was the most awful sappy shit ever but I kept watching it. I'm over it now- and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to be over it. And I don't know why. And I don't want to know why. Because it's 10pm and I need to go to sleep. Life continues. My body sleeps and eats and craps... but it's not enough. I want a story. I want a story that touches all the places in my soul that all the old stories speak to. Rewriting this shit is hard.

So I had a bit of a breakdown today (hahaha oh god) and now I'm having the mother of all social media binges because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Hi!! Here's my face!!!! I'm so damn tired that I'm turning into a complete moron right now. I should be washing my face and brushing my teeth and going to bed, and I fully intend on doing that... just not right now. Hahaha. I need a damn donut. I haven't had sugar in over a month (fuck you never ending sickness) and I'm so over it. I need a donut. I need sleep. I haven't been sleeping well. I've had bad dreams. I've had creative brain flood that keeps me awake. This is why I get scared to do anything. Because if I start, if I get going at all, I turn into a runaway train. I ran away and I'm trying to find my body again so ok, I'm gonna get off here now and go do my evening ritual and find some way to calm the fuck down. I may regret writing this in the morning. Something akin to what Brene Brown calls vulnerability hangover? I call it 18 on MySpace again. Oh jesus I have too many feelings ans honestly it's probably just due to the fact that I'M TIRED. Can I just leave it at that and just... gosh... having a rough time...

Been spending a lot of time organizing my business @thegracefulbirch this week. You can get one of these cute rainbows from my shop (link in profile). This picture concept seemed way cooler in my head. Ha. I didn't expect my head to be so big. Story of my life. 🎶There's always been a rainbow hanging over your head🎶 I'm finally tired after the most energetic and stable week of my life in 4 years. I've actually been quite irritable all week and I swear my face suddenly looks older. I think it has something to do with finally attempting to establish real boundaries around just about everything. When you come out of the years-long frozen/numb state you suddenly start noticing what actually irritates you. Healing... the way home to oneself... is often a bumpy ride. I'm both more stable and wild lately. That's what happens when you reclaim yourself. Anyway... RAINBOWS!!! So many rainbows!!! Yay!!! #rainbow

Follow me on Facebook

Follow me on Facebook

Recent Posts

Truth invites a wrestling match September 7, 2019
Navigating social media September 3, 2019
18: Wrestling with Identity According to Christian Theology August 13, 2019
Do I Control My Life? August 12, 2019
There’s Always Been a Rainbow… June 28, 2019

Blog at WordPress.com.

Send to Email Address Your Name Your Email Address

Cancel

Post was not sent - check your email addresses!

Email check failed, please try again

Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: