I’ve been dealing with anxiety on and off this past week. When the undercurrent is there, it doesn’t take much to set me off and turn me into spastic basket case. I had a bad attack last night and this morning I could feel it coming on again.
In more recent times, I’ve decided against trying to “calm down” during anxiety. It just isn’t terribly effective for me, and the lack of activity just leaves me to mentally track down the origins of my anxiety… which only makes me more anxious. I’ve come to realize that, whatever the origins may be, my anxiety tends to be an excessive energy that’s become internalized. Perhaps the feeling of anxiety is just my resistance to a sudden flood of energy. So for me, the more I attempt to calm down, the more frustrated I feel. Because I’m not supposed to STOP, I’m supposed to MOVE.
So today, I was able to channel my anxious energy into a productive energy. I wasn’t sure I had what it took because I felt so tired. But in redirecting this energy outwards (instead of internally drowning in it), I was able to get a lot done.
I kicked into serious high gear. I did a bunch of household chores and then, because I’m incredibly impulsive, decided to paint a corner of my kitchen. I still had energy after that section was complete, so I moved on to the mess under the kitchen sink which has been a hideous disaster since we moved in. I just kept going and going and going…
I’m now quite exhausted, but very satisfied and emotionally stable. This is a much better exhaustion than the full body/soul exhaustion from pointless anxiety.
Today I kept telling myself, “Progress is progress.” I’ve been painting the ceilings of our cabin section by section when I have time and energy, and although it takes so much time to do just a small section, every brush stroke of white paint helps to brighten up this dark cabin. Eventually, it all really adds up and the brightening effect is a major mood-lifter.
My healing journey has been much the same. I improve in little ways here and there, and over time, the progress really adds up.
I feel that today, I really made an important breakthrough in redirecting my anxious energy. I’ve experienced this before but never quite made the connection until now. Today I was able to prove my theory and now have better direction for the future. When anxiety strikes again, I’ll consider that it might simply be time to do something.
While this isn’t exactly a “cure” to my anxiety, it is a way of using it to my advantage- letting it serve me instead of ruin me.