I can keep your secrets, but I can’t keep my own

Looking back through the years, I notice a trend: I’m excellent at keeping others’ secrets. Even if someone doesn’t specifically ask me not to talk about what they’ve told me, I end up keeping quiet anyway. I always think it best to err on the side of caution and shut my mouth. No need to add to the gossip grapevine- no need to stir up unneccessary drama.

When it comes to my own secrets, however, I have a real urge to blab. I can’t keep my own secrets for long. Everything in me has a yearning to get out. If I can’t find someone I trust, then I will talk to a stranger. And oftentimes, I skip all personal interaction and go straight to blogging. I will tell the entire world everything about me!!!

Seriously, I can’t stay hidden. I can’t stay secret. I don’t like it. I like being open. I tend to internalize so many things, but eventually it all comes out. It’s not in my nature to horde and to hide. Doing so constipates my entire system and I feel awful. There’s too much in me, there’s too much that flows through me. I have to let it out. Any dam I construct eventually bursts.

I’ve always wanted to be open, to be “transparent”, as they say. I don’t want masks, I don’t want filters. I want to be honest and raw. I want to be real.

Perhaps I still need to learn tact and discretion, to learn that some things are better kept to myself. But I do know that in order for me to live a healthy and fullfilling life, I need to be as open as possible.

I think this openness prompts others to tell me their secrets. Somehow it gives them the sense that they can trust me. I’m too open to be deceptive, and that open honesty translates into being trustworthy. Who better to practice openness with than one who is open? Who better to admit faults and fears to than one who is openly honest about her own faults and fears?

I don’t tell other people’s secrets. I tell my own. I’ve got plenty of my own drama to spill without dipping into others’.

I wrestle with my own drama, not yours. You can tell me anything.

“I won’t tell your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diary.”
-Alicia Keys

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