It’s Thursday morning and I’m exhausted. Early this week I had what most people would call a stomach bug, but for me it’s just a side effect of confused hormones. I had no weight left to lose, but 24 hours of diarrhea managed to drop my 5’8″ frame down to 110lbs, leaving me looking like a skeleton. I’ve had a hard time recovering my strength and getting enough food into my sensitive digestive system. I was already tired before this madness began. Now I’m even more tired.
I have no idea what I’m going to do today. Thankfully my husband is staying in a bit longer this morning to help out with a few things before he goes off to work. He’s currently cooking up the chicken breast I was supposed to do days ago, what I planned to do yesterday but didn’t quite manage to do. I’m trying to stop thinking about how my health struggles slow everything down in our family. I feel so shitty about all of it.
So I decided to wear a dress.
I often ask myself, “What good is a dress if you don’t wear it?” I have few opportunities to actually wear the dresses I keep collecting. They just hang in my wardrobe day after day, things of beauty that no one ever sees. And I keep thinking…. that’s gotta change.
So, I figured, today’s as good a day as any to wear a dress. In fact, today is a GREAT day to wear a dress. What better time to make yourself look nice than when you feel like complete shit? If you look and feel like shit, and you’re not happy about it, then do something to fix it.
Wearing a dress today is just one small gesture I’m making towards feeling better. I like this dress. I like the way it looks on me, and I love the mustard yellow sweater that I pair with it. Mmm, such good feels! My hair is still looking ridiculous, my bones are still too noticable, and my eyes look like they’ve seen major battles, but this dress and this sweater and this necklace and these earrings definitely improve the view. All in all, it makes me feel… better. And I really like feeling better.
I want to enjoy life, to celebrate every single day I’m alive. So I will. Instead of reserving all the good things for some future perfect day (which may never come), I’m going to enjoy what I can right now.
I’m learning to live in a space of thanksgiving. Living in this space expands my awareness of what I already have. And when I become aware of what I have, I can actually enjoy those things. This awareness/thanksgiving sparks the creative flame within, which opens new pathways and new possibilities, new ways of engaging and enjoying life.
Being sick, exhausted, grumpy, disorganized, angry, screwed-up, or any other number of unpleasant conditions doesn’t disqualify anyone from enjoying the good things in life. In fact, all of those conditions 100% qualify us TO enjoy the good things because that’s when we need them the most. The only way we’ll taste and experience goodness is when we actually let ourselves taste and experience goodness in every possible moment.
So here’s my message to myself and to the world today:
Wear the fancy panties. Wear all the dresses. Put on some lipstick, because why the hell not? Do we really need a reason to dress up? Isn’t being ALIVE a good enough reason?!
Play the party music, and turn it up. The kitchen is your ballroom. Slice and spice your food like it’s some exotic sensual activity they always portray it as in all the food movies. Approach mealtime as the exciting feast that it truly is. We get to eat! YESS!!!!
Let’s learn to enjoy ourselves and celebrate life RIGHT NOW because right now is all we’ve got!
After all, what good is a dress if you don’t wear it?