2018: I Will Build

2017 was a very difficult year for me. It was my “dark night of the soul”. My internal world has been completely shaken and turned upside down. I ventured into the shadows deep within myself and have had one existential crisis after another. Having to deal with plenty of hormonal fluctuations has made it all the more intense.

In a nutshell, 2017 was a year of deconstruction for me. I spent the entire year picking apart every single belief I’ve held, tearing down my entire worldview. Every castle in the sky that I ever looked up to has crashed and burned and dissolved into the nothingness that it truly is.

I’m believing that 2018 will the be year I rebuild.

As a quick summary, here’s what I’m going to address in this blog post:

2017 = 1: the beginning, starting over, deconstruction, the good and bad aspects of oneness

2018= 11/2: creation, building, wholeness as balance

New Year’s full moon in Orion: choosing a hammer over a club/sword, choosing to build rather than destroy

In the past year, I unexpectedly fell into the study of both numerology and astrology. I find that the less I actually know about an established practice, the better. It leaves me free to make my own personal interpretations and connections instead of getting caught up in the experiences of others and missing my own. So when I say I’ve studied astrology and numerology, I mean that as loosely as possible. I generally learn just the very basics (the bare-bones structure), and then immerse myself in the actual substance and see if it will guide me. 

According to numerology, 2017 was a “1” year (add all the digits until you reach a single digit). I think we can all agree that 2017 was pretty intense all over the world, especially here in America politically and socially. ONE is a new beginning. It’s about starting over: wiping the slate clean and going back to the drawing board. This process often involves a great deal of destruction and can be very chaotic. 

My 2017 experience was all about oneness, the good and bad aspects of it. I have had many experiences of universal oneness, in truly understanding the interconnectedness of everything in the universe. Essentially, everything is one. But the flipside of oneness is nothingness. If everything is essentially the same, then there is nothing to judge anything by/against. You can’t know a thing unless you also know it’s opposite. Opposites offer a point of reference. 

I believe this would partially explain my rather contradictory experiences this year. Every high point has been met by an almost immediate low point. I have felt the joys of heaven and the agonies of hell back to back. 

I think this is an essence of the number 1 that people don’t really talk about. The fact is, life is incredibly diverse. In focusing on unity, differences melt away. While often praised as being good, this process/experience can also be bad. It can lead to a loss of self, and the loss of self can send one into the abyss of nothingness (not a fun place, believe me).

For me, 2017 was about going all the way back to the very beginning, to the everything/nothingness of existance. I used to think I knew so much. Now I realize I know so little. Because of this, I’ve been forced to deconstruct my entire worldview. I’m having to start all over again.

Now we come to 2018: 

2018 is a 11/2 year. In numerology, the only double-digit numbers are 11 and 22, and these two numbers are considered “master builder numbers”. So our new year is more than just a 2 year, it’s an 11 year- a year of building and creation. 

I don’t know much about the number 11 or why it is considered a master builder number. But I do understand the energies of the number 2, and that 2 is a fresh chance to build.

Two: duality, opposites. Plurality: the beginning of separation, of individuation. This actually sets the stage for creation, for building. “It Takes Two.” The creation of life involves two opposites of male and female coming together. In this duality, the number two holds the power of creation. 

For me, two also speaks of wholeness. Union involves at least two. Two becoming one. You can’t be one without also being two. Each of us is comprised of many parts that create one whole. The one is a product of the many. 

In the essence of ONE, I have somehow played the “either/or” game. I have to be one thing, or another. Everything, or nothing. It’s not the sense of wholeness you would expect. But with TWO, I can play the “both/and” game. I’m not limited to one choice. I can actually be two things at once, and this will create a true sense of wholeness. By recognizing, understanding, and embracing my opposites and polarities, I can finally bring them together. This is the nature of balance, and the true path to wholeness. This is the potential of the number 2.

Now is when I’ll turn the topic to astrology. 

(Important preface: I completely ignore astrology’s calculations, and instead, go according to astronomically correct calculations. For example, astrology says this new year’s moon was in the constellation of Cancer, when it was technically in Orion/Gemini. I don’t think astrology even acknowledges that the moon moves through Orion, which seems like a big deal to me. But… a different topic for a different time.)

It was exciting to witness a full moon at the start of this new year. On New Year’s Eve, my husband and I witnessed the nearly full moon rising on the horizon over a delicate periwinkle sky above snow covered trees and fields, and the immense beauty of it all helped rekindle a flame of hope within me. I think a lot of us felt it. 

What most people are unaware of is that in the very first hours of this new year, the first constellation the moon moved thru was Orion- specifically, the club/sword of Orion. For some reason I have always been partial to the club interpretation (as opposed to sword), but when I saw this sign on my sky program, I immediately thought of a hammer. A club (or sword) is used to destroy, but a hammer is used to build.  

I find this sign to be incredibly symbolic (at least personally), and that it confirms and intesifies the energies of this 11/2 master builder year of 2018. Here’s my personal interpretation: 

Our new year is heralded by a symbol of fullness (full moon), but it’s up to us what we will be filled with. It’s our choice (2 represents choice). Will we let ourselves be filled with negativity and hatred which leads to violence? Or will we instead choose to fill ourselves with light and love to perform good works? Will we choose a sword or a hammer? This year can either bring more painful division and destruction, or it can it can be a year of creation, of recognizing and embracing our opposites and bringing them together to create life. The outcome is up to us. The choice is ours.

On another personal note… 

On New Years Day, the moon quickly traveled through Orion and then went into the constellation of Gemini, the twins. I choose to believe this represents a lot of positive potential for me. 

I was born with a 1st quarter moon in Gemini. A quarter moon is half light and half dark, a striking symbol of duality. This sign of duality was in another sign of duality- the twins. Double duality. This has been my nature for so long. I flip flop back and forth (with alarming speed these days), and in trying to be one thing over another, I inevitably deny half of my own soul. (Typically we suppress our “shadow”(dark) side which leads to all sorts of problems). I have always felt a terrible black eternal void within me, as if I’m “half-empty”. 

This new year begins with a full moon traveling through Gemini. As opposed to the “half-empty” moon of my birth chart, here we have a symbol of wholeness moving through two individuals (twins). It’s an action of uniting, of bringing together my different parts. It’s speaking wholeness into duality- a marriage, if you will. And this sign ushered in our current 11/2 year, a year containing the power of creation and building.

I’ve a got a feeling that 2018 is going to be a good year for me. An easy year? Hardly. But a productive one? Yes. Fullfilling? I sure hope so. 

After all the deconstruction of 2017, I am so ready to finally build something. 

***********

(I wasn’t sure how to add the following story into this post, so I’m merely tacking it on the end… sorry for the sloppy arrangement 😛 )

I wrote the preceding words on the first of this year. I am publishing this writing today, which is 1/11/2018. 

Yesterday was 1/10/2018. Being that 2018 equals 11, this date can be read as 1/1/11, 1111, or 11:11. This number sequence is a big deal in numerology. It’s two elevens. Two master builder numbers together. Added all together, it equals 4, which represents structure and order. I think of it as being a good foundation number. Many people who are into New Age practices say that 1111 is some sort of awakening code, or a portal. Reportedly it’s energies can greatly help make your thoughts/desires manifest. I simply like to believe it as a good foundation, a good starting point. It is a reminder for me to examine what I want to do, and having that awareness allows me the ability to follow through with my intentions. 

I had been feeling a significant shift the past few days, as if I was finally shedding the last remnants of 2017. Without really thinking too much of the special significance of the date yesterday, I finally came to the solid conclusion that it is time to start building. I didn’t discuss any of the content of this writing with my doctor yesterday when I saw him, but he basically told me the same thing. It’s time to BUILD. 

Late that night after waking up from an hour of sleep, I was thinking of a song I know by Nichole Nordeman titled “We Build”. I decided to listen to it. I rolled over and turned on my phone. It said it was 11:11pm, and my phone was 100% charged. I had to smile. Here I was, on a day that equals 1111, at the time 11:11, with a battery fully charged, about to listen to a song titled “We Build”. I like to fight the universe on signs/synchronicities, but this was one I could happily accept. And as I listened to the song, it felt so appropriate to my entire life situation right now. I could feel a new sense of hope and determination to finally start building.

As it turns out, I continued to listen to a long string of songs by the same artist and ended up having an incredibly profound revelation/breakthrough (which I’ll write about later). This important shift happened as midnight rolled over, and I found myself in today’s date, 1/11/2018. 

Again, being that 2018 equals 11, today’s date can be seen as 1/11/11. That’s two elevens (master builder) preceded by a 1. It’s a grand master builder code with the addition of another 1, as if it is a new beginning. 

Well, today is my new beginning. I knew I needed to revisit this writing and go ahead and publish it TODAY. Publishing this blog post is my first act of building. I’m setting forth my intentions. I have felt nervous to post all of this, for fear that I’m merely throwing around a bunch of nice sounding ideas, and that in the end, none of it will actually happen. But the truth is, it’s up to me (again, the number 2 represents choice). In posting this, I am declaring to the world that this is what will happen, this is what I’m going to do. This public declaration is a good way to keep myself accountable and to remember my goals.

I’m done deconstructing. There’s nothing left to tear apart. I’m at ground zero. Now is the time to toss aside the club of deconstruction and to pick up a hammer.

Now is the time to build.

***********

The new Grace wishes you all a happy new year! Go out and build something.

 

2 thoughts on “2018: I Will Build

  1. Pingback: Connect | grace in the night

  2. Pingback: A New Blueprint | grace in the night

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