You know what’s annoying? The chronic obnoxious feeling that I need to explain myself and make disclaimers about anything I may say and do. It extends mostly to social media/blogging, since that is where I express myself the most. Between my easily confused satirical pieces or my desire to break outside the typical religious box, most of my writings and art are going to be misinterpreted and misunderstood. I just want to BE without providing a detailed essay for every action I take or word I speak.
Things I must recognize regarding this dilemma:
1. This feeling that I need to explain myself is absolutely self-imposed. I’m never forced into explaining myself. Even if people are confused and misunderstand me, even if they demand some sort of explanation, I am under no obligation to provide one. I’m not. One of these days we’ll wake up and realize that, in the end, we answer to ourselves/God and no one else.
2. This is a basic part of life- learning to be who we are with or without the approval of others. At the root of this whole issue is my fear that I will not be accepted. But what do I really care about being accepted?? Is the acceptance of others really as important to me as singing the song of my soul? Moving to the rhythm of my own lifeforce? In compromising my own identity for the acceptance of others, I gain nothing and lose everything. Because the approval of others isn’t worth anything of value to me. I want a genuine acceptance of who I am, not the approval of who I’m not.
3. If I would just stop trying so hard to make current onlookers/acquaintances ok with me and instead just be myself with no disclaimers or apologies, then it’s likely I’ll finally attract the right people into my life. Why am I constantly seeking the approval of people I don’t really care about? I continue to seek the approval of a system that I abhor… why??? I’ll never find genuine connections if I don’t just step out and be my genuinely crazy beautiful self.
In conclusion, I need to be aware of the difference between explaining myself because I think it would be helpful, and explaining myself because I’m afraid of rejection. I need to consider this with every piece of my soul that I expose to the world. Will I explain myself from a position of self-confidence/love and freedom, or a place of fear and bondage?
I just want to truly be myself, and in doing so, show others that it’s ok to be themselves too.