Time, the Magical Cure (Not)

Time can help heal a wound. Don’t touch it, leave it alone- the body can heal itself.

Time can also allow an untreated wound to get worse. Sometimes the body needs outside help.

I am stuck in time, with no easy or clear answer.

All I have is time.

-9.29.09

Whatever tragedy or struggle we’re faced with, people always love to say, “Just give it time. You’ll get better.” I am so sick of hearing that. I am so sick of telling myself that. So sick of believing that one day, things will be better simply because an indefinite period of time will have passed.

“Just give yourself time,” they say. 

“It will get better in time,” I tell myself.

Uh huh…

What quantity of time will automatically flip the switch? How many weeks? Months? Years? 

Why do any of us assume that the passage of time is the magical cure? Time itself won’t fix anything. Time is nothing. There is no such thing as time. There is only Now, and what we do we with our perpetual Nows is the only way to affect change.

But I don’t know what the hell to do. All I have is time. And I don’t know what to do with it. 

So much of my internal world has changed in the last few years, especially the last several months, but these changes aren’t manifesting in my physical/material day-to-day living. I’m just as needy, dependent, brain-dead, anxious, and hormonal as ever. I still struggle with the same old issues over and over again. I think I’ve worked through something only for it to spring back up again and laugh in my face. 

How am I supposed to trust that I am, in fact, on the right track, and that in continuing with what I’ve been doing, the changes will appear in time? Because if nothing is changing, then am I really doing the right thing? How much time has to pass before I realize what I’ve been doing isn’t going to change anything, and that I need to try something else? 

“I am stuck in time, with no easy or clear answer.”

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